So. My heart is full of the love from friends- new, old, dear, far, and those who just recently have slipped from the 'acquaintance' to 'friend' status.
I just got back from a retreat. Well, just got back and am getting settled after a retreat and then a quick trip to bring husband of mine back to work. My mind is still racing from the weekend, and how much I learned about myself, my friends, and God. A few things really stuck out to me, and they weren't just what I learned during my time with God or time spent listening to the speaker. They seem to be a culmination of all these smooshed together.
1. My best friends and I live apart. So when we finally had a heart-to-heart, it was great to know that some of the things we're dealing with in our lives are similar. Different scenarios, but the same root problem or struggle. For instance, there seems to be a huge pressure on everyone, not just young people to find A passion, and put their everything towards it. But the more we talked, the more I realized how torn she was about different passions in her life and not wanting to just settle with one thing when she wanted to do lots of things. I feel like I've been at a crossroad for months now, wondering in which direction God is leading me, what the future holds, and where Dave and I will end up. I've even sometimes wondered the different scenarios that could have been my life- what if I didn't marry Dave, what if so-and-so and I were friends earlier/ never friends, what if I never moved, twice, what if what if what if. I'm not letting them rule my life, I'm letting them make me appreciate the direction my life has taken and the direction I'm heading.
I want to be finished school so I can work full-time. I love what I'm learning, and most of my courses/classmates/teachers/content/ect is great. But I want more. I want to be able to say that I'm a working adult. I don't want to say "I'm studying to be a journalist," I want to say that "I AM a journalist." However, it is amazing how God works. I start at a radio station tomorrow. And not just a private station- the largest and most well-known station in the city. It's kind of a big deal. And I'm a little nervous. I'm sure I'll get over it, but for now I'm just unsure of what to expect.
BUT. God unlocked a door, and after I tried the doorknob, I was able to walk in. As of tomorrow I can say I'm a journalist. I feel like I know what I want and am ready and willing to make it happen.
Again. BUT. I'm still torn between the many passions I have in my life. I'm not willing to give up being a mom to be a full-time career woman. BUT. I'm not willing to pretty much throw away seven years of post-secondary JUST so I can be a mom. I love to make things, and DearOne has become the perfect outlet for that. I love photography. But I also (as I just recently learned), like being on the radio. Sacrifices don't always have to happen. We're always re-inventing ourselves, and God's always providing us with different opportunities. We just need to be willing to take them.
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